Sometimes

Sometimes, a voice is all what you need
sometimes, a smile is all what you picture
sometimes, a song is the only image
sometimes, a touch is the only medecine

all the time, you deserve the best
all the time , your heart is your guide
all the time, be yourself
all the time, feel your strength

the words keep coming
the smiles keep shining
the heart is on fire!!! 

No Woman No Cry...

i haven't cry for awhile, if 2016 was a difficult year, 2017 was worst and i kept it together, i believed that as long as i keep strong, everything will get better, but with the time i do understand that every tear i keep inside of me, it's a negative energy that would slow me down in my daily life.

so today i had my first real cry for a long time, and i felt light, no more anger, no more stress, no more revenge, free from all those thoughts i kept with my self, all that blame i was giving people around.

it's something i should do more often , for my health sake!!!

till the next cry...take care

IWD

Tomorrow is the international women's day and I don't want flowers, I don't want gifts, I don't want a day off, tomorrow is not a party day, it's not a shopping day, but it's that moment of the year you have to acknowledge that I am working as hard as you, it's the day to recognize that am. Under estimated, that I deserve respect and same recognition as any man around.
For me it's the day for you to see me as the professional that I am.
My wish for tomorrow is that you will be able to open your eyes every single day and understand that being a woman is not a handicap or a curse.
I can be a woman, a mother, a wife, a sister and I can be an engineer or a manager or a pilot.
IWD is a reminder that women are here bringing the best as much as anyone

personal freedom

Oh My Goodness, trying to be a positive person, for me  means that i have to be able to find a positive point to every situation, if the whole world is falling down, being able to breath should be a positive point.

and this week has been the most negative time ever, for a moment i was not able to feel my eyes because of the crying, i was not able to talk to people i was so stressed , nervous, simply overwhelmed with everything.

so to be in this much pain and difficulties, i should have experienced something bad, actually, i do realize that it's not that bad, but the consequence are terrible for me.

So i have lost my driving licence, in my country you get a fine, and the authority will take your licence from you for a month or 3 months depending on the infraction that you have done, this means that you are not allowed to drive till you get it back.
so if it was a matter of going to work, that should not be a big deal, even if i get scared with crazy drivers, i can manage a two way ride per day, but for me it's more than this, it means i cannot take care of my family, go grocery shopping, visit my sister and her baby, driving my mom , go to some cultural events, or extra training, and that was too much.

so whenever someone wants to go somewhere, the best way would be to drive or to be driven, and that's the hurting point, i don;t have a dedicated person in my life, that would take care of me, that would sacrifice everything just to drive me around so i can finish all what i have to do, and it's that moment where everything feels sad, and overwhelming.
and in these kind of moments, i start rambling , thinking of what i had achieved in my life, if i am not even able to have someone near by me that cares this much about me, then i start thinking about my expectations, what am i doing? and why?

and yes i am good at destroying my mind and my strength.
so loosing that precious ID means for me loosing my freedom, loosing the only way i had to feel alive and useful.

i will be fine, sooner or later...

BabyHug!!!

that moment you hold a baby, and hug him you will feel his body relaxing, his little hands reaching your shoulder and he will feel safe enough.
when everything is confusing and no one is around to take care of you, hug a baby, even if you don;t know him, but you meet in a market , you can always ask to hold and hug a baby, they have free love and it does heal everything
i found my little source of love!!!

Happily in shit

two months ago i wanted to write a post named happily in shit, i realized that most of the time we will find our self in a very difficult situation but still find a way to be happy.

so here i was and still am in a weird situation where brain and heart don;t agree, where emotions are too strong to be ignored, where moving on should be an option but i keep still in my position, and find myself happy somehow.

it's during moments like this i see how complex a human being is.

be honest with yourself happiness will be your gift

2017 has started on an emotional way for me, which can be good or bad depending how i manage it.
To get motivation and keep going with life i have watch many videos, tedtalks about happiness, couples therapy etc... and i found myself relating to few situations

how many times anyone of us have we been in a relationship and we heard our self saying i need you in my life, i can;t live without you, i can't face life without you? and then after a week, a month a year the relationship slow down, we see our selves falling out of love, and moving on.

but how about all those words we have exchanged, how about all these promises we had, were we lying to each others? I don;t think so, the moment i said i cannot live without you i meant it, from all my heart mind and soul, but right now i am not with you and i am still alive and fine.

We have that ability to forget through the time, that make us able to move on and reconstruct our self, but i started to belive that if we stop lying to ourself life would be easier.

it would be more realistic to say honey , right now i am so in love with you, all what i want is to spend a quite evening with you, than saying, i love you so much i can never be happy without you in my life.

moving on step by step, enjoying every single happiness moment, without extrapolation to an unknown future is what makes happiness last longer.

Everyday, i learn more about myself, and i try to keep stronger !!!

Positive Attitude

In this first month of 2017, and very soon the begining of the Chinese New Year, let's take a moment to reflect on whatever happened on the last 12 months, keep the best, learn from the worst and be ready to do better.

Every single day is a new chance to repair whatever was broken, to improve whoever we are, and to learn to go beyond our limits.

so even if life is hard and hurting, look for the positive of it, to go up and higher, never doubt how strong you can be to face any difficulty.

let's bring the positive of everyone around us!!!

Cheers!!

When Internet find the words o was looking for

・・・
To my lover,

Let's have a deal. If one day you get attracted to somebody else, before you get her number or before you make a move or before you flirt back 'unconsiously', I want you to tell me. Tell it straight to my face. Tell me that someone else is getting your attention. Tell me that a part of you is still missing even if you're with me. I don't care if it will crush my heart and I couldn't care less if it will break us apart. I just want you to be honest with me. We both deserve each other's honesty, right? I never want you to do something that will make you look or feel bad. You're not a cheater and I will not allow you to start to become one. And even though I want you all to myself, my love for you is greater than my own selfishness. Your happiness will always come first. So if one day you wake up and realize that I'm no longer the reason why you're excited to open your eyes or if someone else is already making you smile like a goofball, please tell me. Because no matter how much you mean to me, I'm willing to give you your freedom to choose what makes you happy.
Yours trully.
--B.Estreller
.
.l

strong or weak

i have always heard my self saying , i love who i am when you are around, and then when the person is not around i wonder how do i feel about my self.
it took me time to become an independent person, with the strength to feel happy for who i am and not for who i am with. and as difficult as it was that achievement is one of the most important.
and then, sometimes i fall in love, and just like that i lose what ever i have built, for the only reason, that i start trusting the person, and give that person the possibility to make me happy, to take care of me, and suddenly, me who was ready to be strong and independent, i find myself depending on someone for everything even for a smile.
aie aie aie, djamila you should be able to depend on urself all the time.
life is about balance, and it's the most difficult thing to reach