Le reconnaitre..

 How Can i recognize him?

when i say i am a details oriented person you cannot imagine, i can recognize my man in so differetn ways that it eats my energy..

his eyes of course despite his coverence ( eyebrows)

His way of walking. he has the habit to walk straight then to change is dominant feet

his hands (fingertips on a guitare)

smile is too easy

his voice

the way he plays guitare, when i hear the notes i know if it is him playing or not ( he has a way of moving on the strings just special and different from others)

the sound of his breathing

the way he caughs when sick

his laughter ( and this makes me smile)

it might seem uninteresting, but for me all these smalls details are part of me so when our path don't cross because life is too busy, i can spott him on a random video or story and i smile, i laugh or i cry depending how long was the waiting.

Let it be ... let it go

 2025 has been the year of let it be.. let them go or let them be..

yes Mel Robbins explained that sometimes you just need to let the people be them self or let them go if they want, i do understand this concept since when i want to leave i don't ask permission i will just do it... But when i am the one staying and i feel that the person with me is being too silent , putting distance, i would have the feeling that the person is leaving, at that moment i need closure...

I cannot just let them go or let them be, i need to understand why, my issue is not the separation, i've known for a long time that there is no forever in this life but leaving without explanation is just hard at least for me.

some of my friends told me that the moment they make up their mind they don't care about the why, may be my self-esteem is too low or i need to close a chapter in the best way to be able to move on.

so in a realtionship i would let it be, as much as possible, i learned to forget about the small details, to let go things that doesn't matter ( even if for me everything matters a lot) but if i have to close this story i should not have regrets and the only way for me is the discussion.

now how difficult it is to ignite the discussion when there is 2000km distance and somehow time difference.

it needs courage and right now i am lacking courage!!

may be another day!!! 

You are my life

 Happy New Year? Happy New Day?

with time i get lazy with all these celebrations, i prefer random messages during the year wishing you an amazing moment, or doing a silent prayer in the middle of the night because i care about you and i know you need it.

but this is not today's subject, today i said something to myself, "building your life activities around one person"

to be honest, this is one of my biggest weakness, if i love someone, i would put all of me my happiness my energy my everything around this person, unfortunately when this person doesn't react in the same may as in the beginning or before my whole construction collapses and me with it.

it is scary to realize that i might have been wrong my whole life, ( not all the 45 years might be the latest year only) and it feels hard to correct it.

I could see the plan and the discipline/commitment required and this might me the solution to what is hurting most on my daily life.

yet i wonder if i could do it by myself. writing this i feel my throat getting smaller and painful. this is gonna be a long journey!!!

let's see!!