I don't write when i am happy?

 it has been awhile, and somehow i feel ashamed for not writing for such a long time, but it seems that when i feel good, i feel happy i don't get the urge to put down words.

elhamdoullah, the last three months have been full of change, new job, two trips, attending some concerts, taking care of my spirits in ramadhan, 

if i have to be 100% honest , i was not happy all the time, during ramadhan i was scared to lose my mind once again, and get lost, it needed a lot of discipline to be able to feel ok everyday, still from time to time i had that loneliness poping up and reminding me that there is no miracle.

anyways life is about challenges and pushing myself to be better, let's work on it!!

When was the last time you felt anything for real?

 

I saw this question on IG and got a bit confused, and just seat down thinking….

I felt pain yesterday after my gym training, trying new exercises with my coach, and then not being able to walk or get down the stairs

I felt sad, last Thursday, I had my expectations too high and got sad and disappointed,

I felt loved, in someone eyes and smile, in someone voice, he sang my name over the stars and the moon

I felt excited, to prepare a gift for a dear friend

I felt happy, when I was able to sing my favorite song

I felt happy when I felt pain after the gym, my body is alive and reacting

I felt scared , when driving in an unknown road in the dark night

Few years ago, I heard about mindfulness, and actually I started focusing on all what I do, what I feel to the fullest.

Sometimes it might seem difficult, but doing this made me able to remember moments that matter.

always ask yourself why are you feeling anything like this? Why is your best friend!!

ciao

 

2024 what a year?

 for more than a decade i used to make photo summaries of my past year, it was a way for me to keep to most vivid memories and reflect everytime i would see a picture on a moment or an event.

Yet , when covid arrives, i have stopped doing that realizing that some times, memories must fade out, and also it became tiring to select the right shot, then print it out and arranging in a way it would mean something for me.

2024 has been a real rollercoaster for me

January: a colleague has passed away in an unpredictable way, it did affect me.

February: i realized that friendship can be full of love, and if this love is not both way, i will suffer to the bone ( panic attacks are no fun)

March: Happiness of Ramadhan yet scariness of Anxiety i was happy and sad in the same time

April: reached the bottom of feeling bad , of loneliness of not speaking not being me

May: realized that i am stronger i can face it and i can fight it, and if you feel that i am too much for you i will just leave

June: realized that alone i cannot be hurt and that's enough for me

July : felt in love 14 years later and had the best 24 hours in the last 11 years , i have met my love, my soulmate

August: happiness in a hot weather and long walk friend connection

September: back on hiking , getting stronger

October: got lost in Paris and lost my friend my coach, my mentor

November: big decision era, and back to Djanet , Sefar experience , felt in love with the scenery , the people the music.

December: preparing the exit, in love, stronger

Elhamdoullah for everything!! as difficult as it was, 2024 was full of learning.

I lost people that i miss everyday, but sometimes the timing is wrong!!

Crazy Delusional Ambitions?

End of the year, time for wrap up either in our life or on spotify, and also time for new resolutions and decisions, at least for most of the people, but are you that kind of the population with crazy delusional ambitions? in another word, are you the one looking for big and amazing resolutions to be alive?

so 2025, i will go to the gym 5 days a week i will do the miracle morning and be gluten free, obviously i will keep my gym to twice a week, i will oversleep everytime i can and i will keep my kessra in my life because that is happiness.

I have reached a moment in my life, i don't lie to my self, i know what i cannot do, even if most of the time i don't know what i want.

dreaming is an amazing feeling, I will go to Japan, i will re visit San Fransisco or New york, these are ambitions that are realistic for me since it just depend on me being proactive on preparing visa and planning a trip, but anything from above if i don't believe it i won't commit.

be nice to your self, be honest with your self, be positive to you; then plan whatever is good for you, at least this is what i do!!

am i ambitious? i don't think so, and it is fine, all what i want to peace of mind

and Elhamdoullah for now!!

Sefar-- City of Djinns -- is it true?

 Hi

are you the kind of person that would believe in supernatural situation? have you ever seen ghosts? heard noises when you know that no one is there? have you ever played spirit being younger?

I am not a fan of anything like that, i don't know how or if i believe in any of these, the furthest i went on supernatural things is watching an american series in the 90es called the tales of the crypt.

but then i went to Sefar. 

On the 4th day of the trip, we had the possibility to skip the morning walk, and stay int he camp, so me with my two friends decided to have a slow morning, just to arrange the tent have a quick shower at the guelta and relax.

no need to say that the water in guelta was fresh and cold but the feeling to have a quick shower was really nice and we enjoyed the conversation all together.

once done , we heard someone singing, and we have seen 3 guys on the other side of the rocks, they asked if they could pass and we said yes since we were done with the water.

3 guys: the first with long hair singing, the second shirtless and the third one with white formal shirt and black trousers, we even asked each other if this guy was coming from office.

we exchanged few words just like how are you , how is your trip and they kept walking toward our camp, for a second we asked our self if we have seen real people but then how can we have the same vision at the same time.

2 days later we reached IJABAREN the highest place of our trip and also the last night there , and we crossed some other group, and in that group we could find the 3 guys, we were finding that fun to re-meet them again, but then they did not seem to recall us? weird? so you would meet 3 ladies in the middle of the desert and not remember them. why not? whatever?

last week during a diner with our guide, we start talking about our trip and i mentioned the fact that we have met 3 people twice and something is weird about their circuit, and he was telling me this is impossible, we started checking , calling people, and it seems that those 3 people when we were in the guelta for our morning relaxing they were still in algiers, so ....... so..... yeah there is no so.

you can have the conclusion you want!!

then if you decide to go to Sefar remember that you cannot trust your eyes!! always check whatever you are seeing!!

2024 the year of challenges--- one of them -- Visiting SEFAR

 Hi 

i am back, from an incredible adventure, i went beyond my limits and believes. somehow, losing NAssima ( allah yerhamha) in a very surprising way made me feel the need to fly away, to try anything that might scares me to go beyond myself.

Sefar was a dream, Sefar was an ambition, actually, Sefar was a motivation to keep practicing sport during the year, to go hiking several times a year, and to register to the trip.

i felt crazy, walking this much, climbing when needed, sliding when asked for, i was scared to loose control, to fall down, to break something, but elhamdoullah everything went well.

i was strong enough to manager my body and help him to walk this much, i had an amazing group around me for the positive vibes and the caring.

and of course the scenery was just breath taken, i loved the colors, the shapes, the path, even if i have complained about always going up or that the path was not flat enough, yet... my eyes are full of magics.

and then finally the music, the rythmes, the mix of dancing fire and shininng moon with the guitare and percussion that was perfert.

i felt in love once again with djanet, its people and life.

may be one day i will be ready to talk about the details 

I miss you already Nassima!!!!

 Ya rabbi, how difficult it is , 2024 has started in a difficult way, and right i feel so empty and lost.

yesterday the amazing NAssima BErrayah has left this world quietly. as she lived, she was a coach a friend, the queen of innovation, a great listener, she had a solution for every problem.

NAssima's soul has left this aweful world, and somehow i want to say this is good for her, and then i feel selfish because i would have wanted to spend more time with her. to learn from her, to listen to her opinion, her knowledge, her energy.

NAssima you have been a guide for so many years, a role model, a teacher for few of us, but to be honest we were not ready to let you go.

today, someone told me last time i have met nassima i felt she was content with her self and where is she, and i have got this feeling everytime i talked to you, you were honest and genuine.

NAssima, i am sorry, i should have been more present, call you more often than april 22nd and speical days, i found so many vocals and videos on my messenger, and whatever you were saying it felt coming from heart, sincere, full of love and consideration.

I am not ready to say good bye, but i have to say thank you, thank you for bringing me to the startup/student world, thank you for listening to me and helping me to find answers; thank you for your energy, your smile your positive vibe, thank you for sharing your life expereinces with us, thank you for showing me that hiking is a way to be yourself, taking care of animals is what we all should do.

thank you NAssima, may allah bless your soul and reward you djenna, you have been an angel in our  life, we will miss you