How to surrender to God?

 may be since covid, the time i really realized that everything can change in a blink of an eye, i started understanding that God is the one knowing everything and he is the one who has written our path, ho knows why he would send blessing to us and when to put us in a difficult environment.

but i also understood the meaning of god won't put a soul in something it cannot face, so on daily basis when i believe that i am lost or things are hard and i cannot do it, i remind my self that God doesn't make mistake and if i am here it means i will be able to face it, and move on.

yet, we cannot be always strong, sometimes understanding that our situationship is a test from God takes time, so we cry, we complain, we wonder why.. and then we give up when actually we should look for the signs, we should understand that what ever we are facing we are seeing we are doing it has been written by god and he won't put more on us if we cannot face it.

elhamdoullillah, God loves us, even when we are lost even when everything is overwhelming us, but the moment we turn to Him the moment we ask for his help for his support the moment we really surrender, we can feel that our heart feels safer and starting to relax, we start to realize that it was a small difficulty and things are better, slowly slowly.

now in my opinion for  a better life, the more the overwhelming period is short the better is , the quicker we get back to God the better is.

it is human to believe that we are the most lonely person, the most unlucky the unlovable or the one that cannot do anything, but it is not true, our daily achievement are a proof of it.

in another hand we should not ignore the signs we receive, even if sometimes it is easier.

Emotions are messengers

 i heard this today every emotion is bringing a message, and i loved it,

as human we should be able to listen to the message without judging it, and how an amazing feeling to feel heard to feel understood.

with myself , many times i ignore the emotions that can come overwhelming me, joy or sadness or just feeling meh, sometimes i am too tired to listen to the messages i am receiving from my self and most of the time it doesn't end up well, if i don't manage my own emotions i might explode in someone else face, is it what i want of course no, is it the consequence yes sure.

having some unfinished business when it comes to emotions is not a good idea.

but seriously, can you see emotions are messages, everytime you feel not happy with something or not comfortable or annoyed you are sending a message to the people around you, yes then it will depend on the maturity of the people around you, some of them will see it before you name it, some other will listen and understand and obviously there will be the judging ones, those that would take it as an agressive feeling toward them.

can we agree that the best way to be is to avoid taking anything personally, if my behavior changes 180° the message is i am not ok, i might be lost or scared or just confused, but it doesn't mean i don't respect you, i don't like you, i resent you, when i am deep in my anxiety when i feel that the world is against me and i am the only girl in this world, i don't need someone to make it personal about him and blame me for my behavior.

anxiety makes you believe that you are alone, that everything is going bad and you cannot help it, just keep in mind that this is temporary, you will see the bluesky again and enjoy it, chocolate or ice cream are your best friend, and sometimes there will be a song that will take you out of that strange feeling that you don't matter and you can't do anything.

my emotions are my strenght and my weakness, but they are messages i am sending , and the most important is having people around ready to listen, translate, interpret without judging.

What are you ready to give up?

 I am an overthinker, my head never turns off but luckily my thoughts can be as positive as it can be negative.

in my way of seeing this life, i keep myself as far as possible from any conflict, i don't like being in an negative mood or environment, so if i have an issue with someone i try to talk it out, if the person in front of me has already taken his/her decision i will give up and move on, but what will happen to that relationship? it will be less important for me, and i will keep talking in a polite way, but i won't invest my personal part, unfortunately i cannot share part of me if my heart doesn't feel safe. 

i can give up friendships , even love relationship if i don't feel heard, accepted or comfortable and for many this might be the normal behavior, but actually i give space, i give chances but sometimes for a small thing i give up everything.

unfortunately i am an emotional person and am not good at taking decisions hihihih how about you?

will i change?

 i am a big big girl in a big big world.... i have no idea why i am starting with these lyrics, inspiration is a bit weird sometimes.

Hello April , this 2026 is running faster than i expect it i feel that very soon heat wave will come and then winter will be back ( even if i feel that winter is still around)

you know what i prayed god to be less sensitive, to be stronger to be aware of what is happening around me, and actually i realized a couple of things and i try to adopt to them, i saw that some people will pull out and not be that present in my daily, i saw that some would care and notice my absence, and it is not always those that you expect.

once again we really take everything for granted, and honestly this is the time we get hit by a big loss or a big disappointment. next week will be nassima allah yerhamha birthday, and it was one of my yearly connection with her, and for the second year consecutive i feel emptiness, i feel lost and sad.

death might takes those people that gave us the opportunity to feel happy , those that correct our path with their advances, those that heal our hearts.

but we cannot stop at death we have to keep going and pay attention that our path is clear and safe because we are in charge or our sanity, security and happiness.

so let's keep working

inchallah fiha kheir  

Disconnected from this world

 elhamdoullah, if this come to an end it was a great adventure,

today, i celebrate my one year at my job, yes time flies but actually i have seen this time passing, the last year was rich of experiences, learning, frightening moments and amazing ones.

and i found myself thinking that if this was the end it's ok no regret and i would be happy of all what i have achieved.

in the same time i realized that i could say this to every little part of my life, i have met people and lost them through time and i feel ok with that, it was good the time it lasted.

i feel that i don't have a connection to anything in this world, i mean i could lose everything i still feel ok.

am i the same person that would cry if i scratch my car? yeah same person, differetn reactions but inside i know that those tears are from frustration and not from sadness.

i hope Allah will make me as disconnected from this world as possible.

i want to be able to say good bye and move to next thing as smooth as possible

fiha kheir inchallah

New Month.. any plans?

 Finally January is over, elhamdoullah, it was a year long month feeling.

to be honest, many things happened during January, but on my emotions it was smoother, not because things got better, or may be a little because things got better, but somehow i understood that there are things i cannot fight or change, and i just need to be patient and time will bring the best.

so any plan for February? not really, considering that Ramadhan is coming in the next 18 days inchallah, i wonder what should be my resolutions for the sacred month? i don't feel strong enough to share them here this is sure.

things change in a quick way, and we don't realize it , actually i see it i feel it i realize it, but many times i just shut up about it, even if it would eat me slowly slowly, and sometimes it is the best to do.

so let's this 2026 year finally start, and let me wish to myself and amazing and successful year ahead.

fiha kheir inchallah

Shortness of breathing

 Have you ever felt that your throat is pressed down and you cannot breath?

I am feeling this everyday for the last couple of week, why?? i have no idea...

might be thyroid symptoms, or being overwhelmed, over stressed, as a result i cannot breath properly.

it is not all the time, it is not continuous, but it is here.

last time i felt this was 10 years ago post operation, but who knows why i am having this feeling.

I still live in a normal way, just breathing slowly and deeper!!

let's hope for the best inchallah!!