It took me time to accept myself as i am.....
I started the new year stargazing in the desert of Dubai with my best friend, learning about astronomy , far from the fast of lights and loud music, i wanted a low and quiet beginning, focusing on the essential.
i was in love by that day, i was believing that i have found the person that could share my energy, my love and my life, but with time and a lot of hurting i realized that my energy , my love and my life should be focus on myself .
so i have decided to work harder but to get a life, so i re-organized my work to be more efficient during working time ( i started using earphones with my favorite music essentially heavy metal to be disconnected from the environment and focus on the job) so i did not have to work extra time.
i changed my diet, i have lost weight in 2017 but i wanted to maintain it, so no more junk food at least not everyday, i started my day with oatmeal with fruits, peanut butter and yogurt , and when possible whole grain bread, for lunch i would go for yogurt and fruit and dinner since it's the only moment with my family i would eat anything my mom would prepare in the smallest quantity possible, obviously i have started drinking till 2 liters of water per day.
i went back to the gym
i started taking car of my skin, and hairs, going back to the dentist and making sure that i keep my smile on.
if i started looking fit and may be younger ( according to my family, because for me i am still fat , when i was younger i have been told that i had big bones and i still believe that), i then needed to work on the inside.
so i registered to be coach in the maximum events for young people, i wanted to give back to the community , i needed to share my energy and see if it can impact people.
i realized that sometimes, you try to be helpful and people don;t need it or don;t want it or just are not at the point to understand what you doing .
so i found myself obliged to adapt to every single person i met, and it was hard, sometimes i did not have the best way to manage it, but this is life a continuous learning.
ans suddenly i started receive love back , people asked me for suggestions or advises, people were happy to listening to me.
i have the impostor guilt feeling, what ever i do in my mind was normal and actually was not important, but the image of myself that i got back from every person i met was different from what i so, and at that moment i felt happy to be me.
what ever i did for the students or for the people around made sense, and even if i was exhausted , it was always worth it.
accepting who i am was my 2018 challenge, when i saw the last speech i have done for the ELIP Connect camp, i think i have succeeded, elhamdoullah
May 2019 be as crazy as 2018 and much more productive!!
