Alone Vs Lonely?

 

Being alone will bring the silence around you and will help you to reconstruct your soul, mind, heart and energy.

It's a process that needs time and strength to never give up.

Yet, sometimes alone became lonely and the silent  is too loud to help.

we don't know how to reach out in a clear manner when the silent is not convinient anymore, And yet ,God ,will send the most unexpected people to support you, to show you that you are loved. People that would call you a flagship, that would remind you of your internal flamme and energy or that would believe that you could achieve a lot.

Ah how I miss my energy

#Elhamdoullah for those people that came despite the barriers I have build, and took care of me when I couldn't express it.

How are you?

How am I?

the most complicated question nowadays, and sometimes i ask myself do we have to give an answer?

when i am down or sad or upset my only answer is ALIVE, but then for some people that's not enough.

we should find a way to avoid pushing people to talk about what they don't want.

but here it is, sometimes i cannot explain how i am or how i feel but i would love to discuss a dish or climate change.

i feel that i need meaning full conversations, i am tired of useless fun facts.

my stress trigger are so various, i end up avoiding , people, places, noises, and every time i discover a new and  different stress relieve; a book; a tv series, movie night by myself, a genuine discussion, an open heart exchange.

this life is quiet stressful let's make it livable  by been ready to understand the needs of each others.

Djamila Vs Me

Life is confusing

I know that i am a shining person and yet my soul feels sad

I am strongly confident and so insecure

If i say i love you it means i would give everything for you, and sometimes i feel disconnected from you and it hurt.

I am smiling now but my mood changes so fast and i want to be alone

I am healing and hurting in the same time

I am trying to be better and feels to right balance....it takes time... that's ok!

30 days of Ramadhan

 i had high hopes on this month!!!

i believed that it was the right moment to get some new habits, to clean my life and start over, so i focused on praying more, reading quran, being nicer, smile more, cleanse my mind and my heart

unfortunately, after 20 days, i felt the anxiety surrounding me, i get lost in my mind and confused with my emotions, the habit that i was able to construct for 20 days have been lost in two days of strong anxiety.

and then a new exercise had to be started, being strong enough to live through the negative energy without loosing what have been learned lately.

i had to balance between loving my self and blaming my self for not being strong enough, i had to feel the loneliness and yet to keep my head above water to avoid drowning

i realized that to feel better i needed someone that understand every little feeling i was having, someone as he said that loves me and that is stubborn, luckily i love him too.

ramadhan has been hard this year, the stress of not being able to make everything perfect as i wished, not able to be finish my bucket list somehow,  made me consider the fact that i have to work hard during the year to improve, to protect myself from all what could hurt, and to be strong

May allah gives us the strenght to be better

i am not me anymore

 If i had to be totally honest with myself, i am tired, not physically but my mind, my emotions, right inside of me

i am tired to be stressed, i am tired to overthink,i am tired to be scared of everything that i am not doing.

if you see me outside you won't realize it, somehow i see my self as totally broken , and i ask myself if you would see it would you talk to me? would you be there for me?

people around me don't exactly get it, and mainly they want to find the me happy and full of energy but here it is all what i want is screaming my pain and crying out loud.

people asks me to be independant and strong, but how can i do that when i even cannot look at me? when i am unable to ask for help? when i feel lonely and so sad?

I know that i am a good person, i know that there are people that care about me, but i believe that people will get tired of me, and they will give up on me

because is this world ,we all can be replaced