what can help me to heal

 I have a special connection to the different places or cities i have visited, but the place that will always be my refuge or healing place is Algiers.

YES when i go to Djanet i feel the freedom of the silence, AddisAbeba is the place i breath and relax, shenzhen is the place i enjoy getting lost in, but Algiers can switch my mood, the buildings, the hills the blue sky and the sea cannot find better combo than this.

when life became off and tiring, i just need to drive around and face this view, i get my energy back i feel alive and ready to face this life

Elhamdoullah!!!

Algiers Urbain Trail 2026

I was thinking it was awhile since i haven't written in here, but yes i don't write when i am happy , elhamdoullah i am but i wanted to share the greatest achievement for 2026 at least up to today

I am a finisher of the AUT26 yaaaaaay

this was my linkedin post, but i feel it is worth to share it here as well!!

The running event of June 2026
The city cultural. Discovery moment.
10k participants, 19.7km, many landmarks, more than 400 stairs.

I am not a runner, but I always enjoy a physical challenge, this is the event I have waited for since last edition, preped for the last 2 months, and I needed to go fetch my warrior mindset to finish it.
As much as the first kilometers felt easy, the moment we got to the jammed areas, it took all my energy and I felt exhausted.
I have spent few times asking myself why am I here? Why am I walking at this pace, with a breath shortness and the answer was always because I can, because I am strong enough to finish it.
At km 16 every single part of my body was hurting and the only thing I had in mind is I should. Not stop, keep moving, keep going.
The last 400m I went on a run with all my energy all the pain, to have an amazing finish.
AUT26 is not just a sport event, it's something more into the culture, discovering the city, building the streets energy, meeting the people, and checking your mindset.

Thanks to the organizing team, thanks to every single person on the trail supporting and cheering for us.
This event has gave me the courage to target more sports events and challenge myself over and over.... How about you? What are you waiting for?

How to surrender to God?

 may be since covid, the time i really realized that everything can change in a blink of an eye, i started understanding that God is the one knowing everything and he is the one who has written our path, ho knows why he would send blessing to us and when to put us in a difficult environment.

but i also understood the meaning of god won't put a soul in something it cannot face, so on daily basis when i believe that i am lost or things are hard and i cannot do it, i remind my self that God doesn't make mistake and if i am here it means i will be able to face it, and move on.

yet, we cannot be always strong, sometimes understanding that our situationship is a test from God takes time, so we cry, we complain, we wonder why.. and then we give up when actually we should look for the signs, we should understand that what ever we are facing we are seeing we are doing it has been written by god and he won't put more on us if we cannot face it.

elhamdoullillah, God loves us, even when we are lost even when everything is overwhelming us, but the moment we turn to Him the moment we ask for his help for his support the moment we really surrender, we can feel that our heart feels safer and starting to relax, we start to realize that it was a small difficulty and things are better, slowly slowly.

now in my opinion for  a better life, the more the overwhelming period is short the better is , the quicker we get back to God the better is.

it is human to believe that we are the most lonely person, the most unlucky the unlovable or the one that cannot do anything, but it is not true, our daily achievement are a proof of it.

in another hand we should not ignore the signs we receive, even if sometimes it is easier.

Emotions are messengers

 i heard this today every emotion is bringing a message, and i loved it,

as human we should be able to listen to the message without judging it, and how an amazing feeling to feel heard to feel understood.

with myself , many times i ignore the emotions that can come overwhelming me, joy or sadness or just feeling meh, sometimes i am too tired to listen to the messages i am receiving from my self and most of the time it doesn't end up well, if i don't manage my own emotions i might explode in someone else face, is it what i want of course no, is it the consequence yes sure.

having some unfinished business when it comes to emotions is not a good idea.

but seriously, can you see emotions are messages, everytime you feel not happy with something or not comfortable or annoyed you are sending a message to the people around you, yes then it will depend on the maturity of the people around you, some of them will see it before you name it, some other will listen and understand and obviously there will be the judging ones, those that would take it as an agressive feeling toward them.

can we agree that the best way to be is to avoid taking anything personally, if my behavior changes 180° the message is i am not ok, i might be lost or scared or just confused, but it doesn't mean i don't respect you, i don't like you, i resent you, when i am deep in my anxiety when i feel that the world is against me and i am the only girl in this world, i don't need someone to make it personal about him and blame me for my behavior.

anxiety makes you believe that you are alone, that everything is going bad and you cannot help it, just keep in mind that this is temporary, you will see the bluesky again and enjoy it, chocolate or ice cream are your best friend, and sometimes there will be a song that will take you out of that strange feeling that you don't matter and you can't do anything.

my emotions are my strenght and my weakness, but they are messages i am sending , and the most important is having people around ready to listen, translate, interpret without judging.

What are you ready to give up?

 I am an overthinker, my head never turns off but luckily my thoughts can be as positive as it can be negative.

in my way of seeing this life, i keep myself as far as possible from any conflict, i don't like being in an negative mood or environment, so if i have an issue with someone i try to talk it out, if the person in front of me has already taken his/her decision i will give up and move on, but what will happen to that relationship? it will be less important for me, and i will keep talking in a polite way, but i won't invest my personal part, unfortunately i cannot share part of me if my heart doesn't feel safe. 

i can give up friendships , even love relationship if i don't feel heard, accepted or comfortable and for many this might be the normal behavior, but actually i give space, i give chances but sometimes for a small thing i give up everything.

unfortunately i am an emotional person and am not good at taking decisions hihihih how about you?

will i change?

 i am a big big girl in a big big world.... i have no idea why i am starting with these lyrics, inspiration is a bit weird sometimes.

Hello April , this 2026 is running faster than i expect it i feel that very soon heat wave will come and then winter will be back ( even if i feel that winter is still around)

you know what i prayed god to be less sensitive, to be stronger to be aware of what is happening around me, and actually i realized a couple of things and i try to adopt to them, i saw that some people will pull out and not be that present in my daily, i saw that some would care and notice my absence, and it is not always those that you expect.

once again we really take everything for granted, and honestly this is the time we get hit by a big loss or a big disappointment. next week will be nassima allah yerhamha birthday, and it was one of my yearly connection with her, and for the second year consecutive i feel emptiness, i feel lost and sad.

death might takes those people that gave us the opportunity to feel happy , those that correct our path with their advances, those that heal our hearts.

but we cannot stop at death we have to keep going and pay attention that our path is clear and safe because we are in charge or our sanity, security and happiness.

so let's keep working

inchallah fiha kheir  

Disconnected from this world

 elhamdoullah, if this come to an end it was a great adventure,

today, i celebrate my one year at my job, yes time flies but actually i have seen this time passing, the last year was rich of experiences, learning, frightening moments and amazing ones.

and i found myself thinking that if this was the end it's ok no regret and i would be happy of all what i have achieved.

in the same time i realized that i could say this to every little part of my life, i have met people and lost them through time and i feel ok with that, it was good the time it lasted.

i feel that i don't have a connection to anything in this world, i mean i could lose everything i still feel ok.

am i the same person that would cry if i scratch my car? yeah same person, differetn reactions but inside i know that those tears are from frustration and not from sadness.

i hope Allah will make me as disconnected from this world as possible.

i want to be able to say good bye and move to next thing as smooth as possible

fiha kheir inchallah

New Month.. any plans?

 Finally January is over, elhamdoullah, it was a year long month feeling.

to be honest, many things happened during January, but on my emotions it was smoother, not because things got better, or may be a little because things got better, but somehow i understood that there are things i cannot fight or change, and i just need to be patient and time will bring the best.

so any plan for February? not really, considering that Ramadhan is coming in the next 18 days inchallah, i wonder what should be my resolutions for the sacred month? i don't feel strong enough to share them here this is sure.

things change in a quick way, and we don't realize it , actually i see it i feel it i realize it, but many times i just shut up about it, even if it would eat me slowly slowly, and sometimes it is the best to do.

so let's this 2026 year finally start, and let me wish to myself and amazing and successful year ahead.

fiha kheir inchallah

Shortness of breathing

 Have you ever felt that your throat is pressed down and you cannot breath?

I am feeling this everyday for the last couple of week, why?? i have no idea...

might be thyroid symptoms, or being overwhelmed, over stressed, as a result i cannot breath properly.

it is not all the time, it is not continuous, but it is here.

last time i felt this was 10 years ago post operation, but who knows why i am having this feeling.

I still live in a normal way, just breathing slowly and deeper!!

let's hope for the best inchallah!!  

Le reconnaitre..

 How Can i recognize him?

when i say i am a details oriented person you cannot imagine, i can recognize my man in so differetn ways that it eats my energy..

his eyes of course despite his coverence ( eyebrows)

His way of walking. he has the habit to walk straight then to change is dominant feet

his hands (fingertips on a guitare)

smile is too easy

his voice

the way he plays guitare, when i hear the notes i know if it is him playing or not ( he has a way of moving on the strings just special and different from others)

the sound of his breathing

the way he caughs when sick

his laughter ( and this makes me smile)

it might seem uninteresting, but for me all these smalls details are part of me so when our path don't cross because life is too busy, i can spott him on a random video or story and i smile, i laugh or i cry depending how long was the waiting.

Let it be ... let it go

 2025 has been the year of let it be.. let them go or let them be..

yes Mel Robbins explained that sometimes you just need to let the people be them self or let them go if they want, i do understand this concept since when i want to leave i don't ask permission i will just do it... But when i am the one staying and i feel that the person with me is being too silent , putting distance, i would have the feeling that the person is leaving, at that moment i need closure...

I cannot just let them go or let them be, i need to understand why, my issue is not the separation, i've known for a long time that there is no forever in this life but leaving without explanation is just hard at least for me.

some of my friends told me that the moment they make up their mind they don't care about the why, may be my self-esteem is too low or i need to close a chapter in the best way to be able to move on.

so in a realtionship i would let it be, as much as possible, i learned to forget about the small details, to let go things that doesn't matter ( even if for me everything matters a lot) but if i have to close this story i should not have regrets and the only way for me is the discussion.

now how difficult it is to ignite the discussion when there is 2000km distance and somehow time difference.

it needs courage and right now i am lacking courage!!

may be another day!!! 

You are my life

 Happy New Year? Happy New Day?

with time i get lazy with all these celebrations, i prefer random messages during the year wishing you an amazing moment, or doing a silent prayer in the middle of the night because i care about you and i know you need it.

but this is not today's subject, today i said something to myself, "building your life activities around one person"

to be honest, this is one of my biggest weakness, if i love someone, i would put all of me my happiness my energy my everything around this person, unfortunately when this person doesn't react in the same may as in the beginning or before my whole construction collapses and me with it.

it is scary to realize that i might have been wrong my whole life, ( not all the 45 years might be the latest year only) and it feels hard to correct it.

I could see the plan and the discipline/commitment required and this might me the solution to what is hurting most on my daily life.

yet i wonder if i could do it by myself. writing this i feel my throat getting smaller and painful. this is gonna be a long journey!!!

let's see!!

2025 another year leaving...

I want to have a summary of 2025, let's see what i could find as positive & negative feelings:

Pros 2025:

New Job

New experience ( i could not image i can start a new professional job)

went to kenya

visited Dubai 3 times

saw my best friend 4 times this year

went to Djanet twice 

received an african dress and a traditinal clothes from Djanet

enjoyed music festival all summer

spent quality time with my parents

went playing with my nephews

walked a 10km race

cooked almost everyday for my parents

became the queen of brownies

did some crochet bags

get back to the gym

have seen many friends from polytech

loved too much

Cons 2025:

Lost my best friend +20 years

stopped the gym for almost 6 months

did not have the heartful experience on my second trip to djanet

was not able to maintain my thyroid levels to a stable number

could not focus on my self

emotionally depended

cried enough to fill up a whole dam

not a big fan of meeting people in real life

adopted remote work too often

unable to have a healthy eating routine

loved too much

feeling that i am closing myself to the world

not interested in anything

moody on daily basis

i don't know if these are all of them, i know that life is about ups and downs and anytime any day Elhamdoullah, God knows us and knows what is best for us!

I even don't have anything to wish for 2026 allah ydjib elkheir.. this is it!!

حياتي غرامي حنو عليا شويا شويا

 حياتي غرامي حنو عليا شويا شويا

هذي اغنية من تيناريوان،غنوهالي مرة ولسقت فيا

في هذا العام الفارط وليت نكتب بالعربية ماشي الفصحة، الدارجة ،ماشي لأني نحب اللغة بصح لحب شخص ما.

بصح بعد عام انحس انو حبو ليا نقص ولا حبي ليه زاد.

في كيلا الحالات الوقت ابدل كل شيء بصح اغنية تيناريوان مازالها في بالي.

أنا نمشي في هاذا الدنيا بقلبي حتى َ ان دخلني في كثر من حيط بصح مانعرفش مانتبعوش، ندعي ربي القوة باش نقابل هذاك الحيط ونكمل طريقي.

انا نحب الحب و انحب نحب و نفرح الناس.

بصح هذي الدنيا واعرة مع المشاعر و الاحساس،

Be Yourself always and everyday!!

 I have been part of the African Startup conference this week, it was a nice opportunity for my company to approach leader operators and show them what we are able to do.

this exercise require a lot of social energy, welcoming people, smiling to them, explaining what we do, asking the right questions to see how we could fit in their ecosystem, exchanging numbers or contact and hoping to be able to build something together in the future.

In the same time this is an opportunity to meet my mates, people from my university that i did not have the chance to keep in touch on daily bases, and these are my chargers, as draining it can be in an event to talk to people the moment i meet someone from polytech i feel plugged and charging energy. honestly i cannot explain it.

I have met my twiny in the name and in the university and after a long talk we realized that we went through few difficulties even if we were quite far from each others. and this was the most amazing feeling. i heard a sentence this week saying may be God is using you to make people happy and help them to be better, and this person healed a part of my pain and helped me to face a fear i never expressed.

Life is made in a weird way, i have been known as a joyful full of energy person in the university and even after, so everyone remembers my voice, my smile my energy i feel like a hurricane when i arrive somewhere, when i see my self right now, when i realize that i just want a quiet place with the loved one, i feel i have changed or may be i just need to co-exist with both version.

being under the spotlight eats a lot of energy and recharging can be in different ways: being loved, being appreciated, or being alone and focusing on every breath.

when it get too loud i just close and be me, quieter but still nice and smiling.

!i guess you got it we are several in me , let's see how lucky you can get and who can face you hihihii!

Healing system

 I went to djanet to heal my self, to feel good with myself

this time was hard, Tadrart was a second visit yet it seemed to be different, the group was nice and may be i should have taken time to know each one and connect but i had big frustration and couldn't, what i did is hide behind my camera, i have taken so many pictures and when i reviewed them and posted them on instagram, i could feel my distance my sad feeling my distraction.

i was thinking that the moment i could feel sand under my feet i would be healed, and actually no, it takes time it takes energy.

i love djanet, i think i need to revist sefar, for a real silenced feeling

i don't have much to say yet i think i need more time to put words on what is hurting

let's see!!

In Love with him!!

 To you the soul who took my heart, 

you the one who saw my soul, and my mind

you the one that will never read these words, 

you the one who taught me that is useless to worry for everything, and it is better to keep your energy for happy moments,

you the one who made me appreciate tea without mint, rock music in tamashek and who pushed me to learn guitare.

you the man in blue, you the free man or the man in my heart.

maybe somedays our path may be separated, and i am not ready for that.

all what i can say: ariki houlan houlan

Writing with AI

 Today, i had an interesting experience, i have asked chatgpt to define a viral linkedin post. i have received as an answer a list of 7 topics that could go viral on the net, and even how to develop them.

Then He or It asked me if i want a draft of a viral style linkedin either on my telecom/training expertise or a personnal/human storytelling. obviously i have asked for both.

And what to say about the result... it was perfect, i felt i could have written this in a less perfect way in a less waw result, in the same time i realized that most linkedin posts are AI generated, now to be honest i do use AI to re write my emails (most of the time)you could see even here in my blog i do mistakes while typing , but the essence of the email is from me, are my words.

is it fair to be strong on a platform by using AI, i can see those coming saying that of course AI is a tool and being strong by using the right tools is perfectly normal, yet where is our own touch?

will i write a post or a blog using AI of course no, even if blogger is suggesting that i could use the new beta feature, i am not interested, i write to express my self, i write to heal myself i write because this is an exercise that i enjoy.

i would never fight AI, i will always use it to help on my daily tasks but i cannot present a work done by AI and consider it as mine.

I love to see a personal touch in everything, this is me!!!

June 9th 2025

 a date to remember!!

as special as October 7th was, June 9th is important.

when you bring food to a sick person you might be intercepted, arrested or kidnapped by the IOF!!! on international waters.

what is this? the freedom flotilla have been stopped on its route to gaza, bringing food to starving people, to break the siege around Gaza and save the humans there.

what are we doing on the other side of the world? what am i doing? scrolling in a sick way, checking on them, then living my life, drinking coca cola? no that i have stopped but i can see it in some many places i get sick.

what if we get out of the bubble that we have constructed around us, and see what is our impact on this awful situation, yes we cannot all fly to egypt, but how about stop using anything that can hurt the Palestinians.

• McDonald’s-- hichem cook is your best friend

• Coca Cola-- hamoud or how about you eat a fruit

• Burger King-- House of burger is available in many cities

• Papa John’s- mega pizze/liverpool

• Pizza Hut-- again mega pizza/liverpool

• Domino's Pizza again again mega pizza/liverpool

• axa - SAA/Caat/caar/Gam

• HP--Lenovo

 just do something!!

Crying as a response... will consume me!!!

 I don't cry in important moments, funerals or any sad moments with family etc... but i cry if someone would say a thing that would push me away, i cry when i talk to myself and i feel lost, i cry when i am scared to end up alone.

we have been told that crying would wash our eyes, and i repeat this to myself, but i know inside of me that if i cry it means something is broken.

sometimes i don't find the right words to answer to express, and it is ok, i am learning to think and understand before to react but my tears are always ready unfortunately to show off to run down my face, to be honest i feel good after crying out but sometimes i think i should be stronger, anyways, i will never be perfect but i learn everyday!