Oh My Goodness, trying to be a positive person, for me means that i have to be able to find a positive point to every situation, if the whole world is falling down, being able to breath should be a positive point.
and this week has been the most negative time ever, for a moment i was not able to feel my eyes because of the crying, i was not able to talk to people i was so stressed , nervous, simply overwhelmed with everything.
so to be in this much pain and difficulties, i should have experienced something bad, actually, i do realize that it's not that bad, but the consequence are terrible for me.
So i have lost my driving licence, in my country you get a fine, and the authority will take your licence from you for a month or 3 months depending on the infraction that you have done, this means that you are not allowed to drive till you get it back.
so if it was a matter of going to work, that should not be a big deal, even if i get scared with crazy drivers, i can manage a two way ride per day, but for me it's more than this, it means i cannot take care of my family, go grocery shopping, visit my sister and her baby, driving my mom , go to some cultural events, or extra training, and that was too much.
so whenever someone wants to go somewhere, the best way would be to drive or to be driven, and that's the hurting point, i don;t have a dedicated person in my life, that would take care of me, that would sacrifice everything just to drive me around so i can finish all what i have to do, and it's that moment where everything feels sad, and overwhelming.
and in these kind of moments, i start rambling , thinking of what i had achieved in my life, if i am not even able to have someone near by me that cares this much about me, then i start thinking about my expectations, what am i doing? and why?
and yes i am good at destroying my mind and my strength.
so loosing that precious ID means for me loosing my freedom, loosing the only way i had to feel alive and useful.
i will be fine, sooner or later...
and this week has been the most negative time ever, for a moment i was not able to feel my eyes because of the crying, i was not able to talk to people i was so stressed , nervous, simply overwhelmed with everything.
so to be in this much pain and difficulties, i should have experienced something bad, actually, i do realize that it's not that bad, but the consequence are terrible for me.
So i have lost my driving licence, in my country you get a fine, and the authority will take your licence from you for a month or 3 months depending on the infraction that you have done, this means that you are not allowed to drive till you get it back.
so if it was a matter of going to work, that should not be a big deal, even if i get scared with crazy drivers, i can manage a two way ride per day, but for me it's more than this, it means i cannot take care of my family, go grocery shopping, visit my sister and her baby, driving my mom , go to some cultural events, or extra training, and that was too much.
so whenever someone wants to go somewhere, the best way would be to drive or to be driven, and that's the hurting point, i don;t have a dedicated person in my life, that would take care of me, that would sacrifice everything just to drive me around so i can finish all what i have to do, and it's that moment where everything feels sad, and overwhelming.
and in these kind of moments, i start rambling , thinking of what i had achieved in my life, if i am not even able to have someone near by me that cares this much about me, then i start thinking about my expectations, what am i doing? and why?
and yes i am good at destroying my mind and my strength.
so loosing that precious ID means for me loosing my freedom, loosing the only way i had to feel alive and useful.
i will be fine, sooner or later...
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